Star Light, Star Bright...

For one measly day I would love to experience the high of manipulating the psyche, soma and selective reasoning of the public at large (as opposed to the large public). Recently I had the honor of visiting the "No. 1" vascular surgeon in DFW, who proceeded to spend all of 20 minutes with the now not-so-blue pinky, subject me to sonogram, doppler and finger cuffs, only to relay the diagnosis equivalent to "I dunno." On the basis of that, he recommended an echo-cardiogram - simple enough. Checked in with his upstairscardiology group and sent me to their office to powwow with their "No. 1" cardiologist. I signed in and confirmed that I would be seeing Dr. Carry. After 20 minutes I reconfirmed that I would be meeting personally with Dr. Carry, and the receptionist was firm that it would be just a minute. A mere 1 hour and 20 minutes later, I was called sweetly through the magic door and was greeted glibly by Dr. Carry. I bluntly asked if it was standard procedure to keep patiemts waiting for up to two hours. She hemmed and hawed, justified the wait by explaining that I was a "work-in" and as I escalated my inquiries and ejaculations (no pejoratives, mind you), she now-nowed, there-thered me to my utter dishevelment.

I stormed out uttering incoherencies and gesticulating wildly, all the time trying to prevent tears of anger and frustration from slipping out and giving away my emotional discomfiture. Upon reaching the safe haven of my car, I wept and hiccoughed, jerked and spasmed until I could get enough air to call Dr. Pearl. After repeated unsatisfying jockies with his office manager, he finally came on the line and queried me in a sweet "I'm-talking-to-an-hysterical-person" voice, and he was right. I had lost my senses - left without my staggering command of grammar and a devastating vocabulary, I could only whimper ineffectual commentary as to inefficiency and indiscretion. So, now, not only was I angry and frustrated but I was muted by my own inflated emotion.

Without any additional information being imparted as to my health and/or well-being, these "professionals" managed to squander a full day of my valuable time, several hours of my precious mental health, and all of my sanguine goodwill. Yes, yes... I know what you are saying... I let them frappe me into this state, but wouldn't anyone be incensed?? If you aren't, you should get that way. Doctors have challenged even the most stoic and forgiving with their inattention and unconcern for the time and trust of their patients.

OK, so they spent seven years in school preparing to wrangle the vicissitudes of the human body, they got divorced, ignored their children and wives, and bowed in obeisance to the medical powers that be, but does that negate the necessity of continuing to be human? I say, let's take our bodies into our own hands, use the vast sources of imformation available to us and begin to know ourselves so that we can begin the process of diagnosis and treatment withou the intervention of a medical automaton who pilfers our pockets for his ski trips to Vail.

Patient, Heal Thyself!